Caution
Let me start out by saying I am not a therapist or medical expert. Any ideas shared here are from my own firsthand experience and so may work or not work well for others. I only share because when I was in two years of a dark depression, these are the things I used. I highly recommend speaking to a Dr or therapist when needed.
Why am I writing this article?
The other day I saw someone in a facebook group sharing that they were really struggling and depressed. Over the years, I have written this advice or tips dozens maybe a hundred times or so over the years. I thought this time I would also write a blog article on my website to make it easier to just share with folks in the future instead of rewriting this over and over again.
In 2013, my life fell apart and I sank into a deep dark depression. It sucked. I had a good family, a nice home, 3 square meals a day and at this point have been self-employed for 14 years so why did I feel like shit all the time? Why was I unable to do things the way I once had? Why was I no longer interested in the things I liked?
There were many reasons that probably built up to this over time, but there were a few main things. My business hit a slow time. A business partner and I split up and they intentionally tried to sabotage my business for like 6 months. I had my first kid and was not sure how I was going to support him as I went through this rough time in business. I was trying to pivot my business and bet the farm on a new online education model which wasn’t bad, but I built a $3K signature course that wasn’t evergreen, meaning that after I pre-sold the course and built it for the next 3+ month and 1 client bought and went through it, I got to the end to find out the market changed and I had to rewrite parts of the course as they were now outdated. I was working like 70 hour weeks for 3-4 months to build it and so I was a bit burnt out. Then my car was stolen from my driveway and I almost caught the guy doing it. These tings combined sent me on a tailspin.
After months and months of feeling like shit and not seeming to be able to get my life back on track I realized this wasn’t the typical business downturn or little life stressor. Back then, I wouldn’t have called this situation depression, I just knew shit was messed up and not turning around.
After what felt like ages I was desperately seeking help. I told family, a few close friends and although they tried, they struggled to give me the help I needed or a path out of this mess. Because of the downturn in my business I struggled financially to find a therapist as most didn’t take insurance. My insurance company was horrible at helping me and the headaches they offered were only adding to the trauma so I went it alone.
Okay, let's get to it. What advice do I give those struggling with depression?
Here is what I told the guy on Facebook the other day…
Dude I feel you! I struggled with depression for 2 years. I was in a dark place. It sucked. I still get hit with waves from time-to-time, but I mostly have things under control now.
What did I do? I built a self-care practice for myself. Everyone is different and has different needs, but I’ll share some ideas that worked for me and maybe some of these ideas will at least point you in a more positive direction.
1. Daily Meditation
For me, meditation was the most powerful tool. I started with Headspace, but now use Insight Timer. It’s free and has hundreds of thousands of meditations for any taste. After a decade I started teaching meditation because sometimes an app alone gets lonely and people wonder if they are doing things right. If you are like me you get to a point where you would like support building a daily habit or unique practices or leveling up.
2. Find a Supportive Community
This brings up another tip – find a way to connect with a supportive community. If you do not have one, find one. Connection is important. This facebook group (where I shared this original content) is a good start, but in person meetings or zoom calls are way better. Being a business owner, I found an accountability group related to growing our businesses. I also joined Toastmasters to try my hand at public speaking. This group was very supportive and they have them everywhere if you are interested. There are many groups that might resonate with you so find a hobby, or career, or personal development club. I try to create community with all the programs I offer because I feel this is so important. Here is an article on the importance of belonging and being in community.
3. In with Positivity, Out With Negativity - content consumed and people around you
I started watching, listening, and reading more positive content. What we consume we become try to find uplifting positive content it truly helps.
Cut the negative stuff and/or negative/non supportive people. Surround yourself with those that lift you up.
Find folks that get this stuff. I reached out for help and friends and family sucked because they couldn’t understand what I was going through or how to help. Hell, I didn’t know what I was going through.
4. Get Help!
If you feel suicidal call the national hotline to talk to someone ASAP – 1-800-273-8255.
I tried getting medical help but was in a bad place financially so I struggled getting a therapist, but if cash isn’t an issue try this. Sadly my insurance company sucked and failed me and so if this option doesn’t pan out seek out alternatives. That’s why I try to help people because this shit sucks. So, I am sharing Psychology Today as a way to hopefully help you if you are in a state of need and should have professional help. In all honestly I do not know how to get this help because I didn’t have the best of luck here, but you might. Please try and I hope your experience is better than mine was.
5. Try Exercise
Try exercise if you don’t currently do too much. Even taking walks a few times a week can be hugely helpful. I hired a few personal trainers to work with me to offer online courses I could use myself and now I am able to share with others. I have Yoga courses and a few different workout programs for different types of practices and different interests.
Honestly early on I did 20 jumping jacks and then built up to 50 jumping jacks so exercise doesn’t need to be a formal practice, but if you like variety may one of the 30 day workout or yoga programs would be a good fit as each week provides different types of exercises working different muscles which I think can help take your mind off of other things.
6. Get Outside
Also sunlight giving you Vitamin D can really help if you don’t get a lot of sun typically. I wasn’t getting outside enough so this really helped. You can also buy Vitamin D (and other vitamins) which may also help.
I might add to this get out in nature. There is something about being in nature that just feeds the soul for me. If you do not get out in nature much try to find some local parks or hiking trails that are easy for you to enjoy.
7. Get Good Sleep
Sleep – if yours is sporadic, try resetting your circadian rhythm. Go outside close your eyes and stare at the sun for like 2-minutes and try to get regular with your sleep routines. Go to bed at same time and wake up at same time. Build a regular routine and shoot for 8 hours. Good sleep can help.
With sleep try creating a dark place to sleep and remover smartphones, computers, and TVs from this space as blue-light actually disrupts our circadian rhythm and keeps us up.
8. Help Other People
Oh and another GREAT practice I forgot to mention – volunteer for a cause you are passionate about. Helping others totally resets the brain. It is good stuff. It is best if you can find something that is consistent and regular like Meals on Wheels or I did Read2Win where I helped 1st graders with their reading. The ongoing consistency helps you get out of your routine and forget about your own stuff while you are working to help others.
9. Practice Gratitude
So the more we can find gratitude in our situations even bad ones we can start to change our minds in a more healthy and positive way. I dabbled with this a bit but never built a solid ongoing practice, but I recently built a 5 day challenge to try to build a new gratitude practice and this gave me different ways to try being more grateful and I have applied some of these ideas to a weekly practice I now have been doing.
In the research I have done gratitude isn’t great doing daily for extended periods of time and so for me I currently try a weekly practice and this is helpful for me currently.
Anyhow, those are some of my best tips. I hope they either help or point you in the right direction. Sending good vibes brother!
GRATEFUL LIVING: 5-Day Gratitude Challenge.