Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston, Avicii, even Chris Cornell.

All gone too soon. All very lonely and all somewhat, or very isolated.

Humans need other humans for survival and happiness in life. We have an inborn desire to belong and feel a part of others. We feel safer and secure in the company of others.

Recent studies show that we react the same way to social stimuli as we do physical stimuli. Social isolation, they say, feels as neurologically uncomfortable as physical pain.

Social isolation and loneliness breed stress that can be detrimental to mental and physical health. Many cases of anxiety, depression, and apathy can be pointed to loneliness as a cause. I will say, this probably was one of the factors of my own bout with depression.

Further, experts believe that social isolation can have somatic symptoms including headaches and gastrointestinal disturbances. Newer studies show bolder links between loneliness and Alzheimer’s or dementia.

These findings underscore the critical need to plug into positive community environments in both social and professional settings.

Support when you need help

Being part of a community may not guarantee support from others in times of need but it is more likely you will find support when you need it if you are part of and engaged in a thriving community. This means having folks to lean on and not shouldering your physical or mental health troubles alone. It means having someone remind you to stick to a meditation, exercise, or even a medication program, eat the right foods or get enough rest.

How can we do this in times of mandatory shut-downs or self-isolation during a pandemic? Well, for me I was already connected to a church and they started offering virtual church. But this was not enough for me because attending virtual church did not make the deep connections I needed. They may have virtual group meetings, potentially book studies or Sunday School groups, but I was unaware of them. If you belong to a church you can start here.

I luckily also joined a local Sangha (Buddhist meditation group) 4 to 6 months before the pandemic got real. This group met twice a week for meditation and Dharma discussions and this really was a life saver for me. Seeing friends weekly (actually twice a week) and talking with a group of people and building deeper relationships like this was pure GOLD for helping with my own mental health. Thank you Cultivating Mindfulness for your weekly support!

I also started a few groups that also meet weekly. The first is the Hope & Inspiration Book Club. This is a book club I started to try to offer hope and inspiration to others but to be honest, I am not sure if it has done that for other people, but looking back it helped me immensely. I think it was beneficial to the members as well, but cannot speak for others. If you like to read, please join us on Facebook and hop on our weekly calls.

The next group I formed was a local activist group. We’ve again, been meeting weekly to discuss books. So obviously you can create a group related to any topic you and your friends enjoy and a book study is an easy way to meet weekly. Don’t only think you need to discuss books for weekly meetings. Your meetings could be around anything.

The regular weekly meetings give us something to count on in uncertain times and seeing friendly smiling faces and talking with others is huge for someone like myself that is self employed and working from home with few meetings or networking events. These group meetings are valuable for keeping the sanity. If you do not have a regular group meeting, find one or create one. I did all mine on Facebook as that is where I have many connections related to the topics I wanted to talk about.

Positive influence

Communities can be a source of empowerment in the face of hardships. With what is happening now, experts report that alcohol dependence is on the rise, and sober individuals have massively relapsed. Blame that on social isolation. Friends can encourage you to abandon unhealthy habits or just be there in your times of need to lend an ear. I know it helped when I was able to talk to a friend when I was dealing with depression. This didn’t fix the problem, but it was a nice break from the struggle.

A jab of happiness

Friends can help to cope with traumas such as divorce, job loss, or grief. They will find ways to cheer you up to boost your happiness and minimize stress. Scientists preach that adults with many friends have a lower susceptibility to depression. I say… Amen to that!

In these times, we NEED to also reach out to those who have lost loved ones as their grieving process may be even harder in a time of no community engagement- lengthening the time to closer. People are in need, and just try to check on them from time to time. Honestly this could also be just one friend or family member who may not be grieving but just don’t have a lot of connections. They could really be struggling with loneliness. Check in on them, please. But please also remember to check on those people grieving as well. It really can help when you know you are cared for and someone can make you laugh about something, to break free of ruminations or excessive thinking of their struggle(s).

This is an easy one to do for our fellow human beings. Pick up the phone or send an email or text, or even send a social media message. Doing a phone or Zoom type call will have the best results. Heck, set up a virtual lunch date or wine or brew meeting to just bullshit over food or drinks to feel human again. It is not the same as being in person, but you might be amazed at how great you feel after the meeting.

A fulfilling and longer life

A 2010 review research disclosed that one is more unlikely to die prematurely if they have strong social relations. Especially after your 35th birthday, it becomes more and more critical to strengthen your social ties. Scientists believe that you need friendships more than you need to exercise. Let me say that again… Scientists believe that you need friendships more than you need to exercise. WOW! Let’s take this seriously and get some more friends!

Love and Belonging are Psychological Needs

You may recall I did a few articles on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. They touched on our Basic Needs – the Physiological Needs and Safety Needs. In this article we are moving up to the Love and Belonging Needs including intimate relationships, friends, and family. When we talk about living longer and even lowered blood pressure we can see how important Love, Belonging, and Community really are. They are almost mandatory to live a healthy life.

Lowered blood pressure and healthier weight

Friends can improve your joie de vivre (exuberant enjoyment of life), enriching it with laughter and encouraging you to let go. When we are alone, we brood, we stress-eat or turn to alcohol and substance abuse to cope with the vagaries of life.

Friendships play critical roles in improving our overall well-being. However, sometimes it’s hard to make or maintain friendships for a wide-ranging number of reasons.

Developing or maintaining good social ties takes effort. For example, volunteering at a community center or attending local events can help you meet new people. Invite your old friends for a lunch date or walk around the block chatting to neighbors. Yes, I understand that in pandemic times these may not be the easiest way to go and that is why I suggest the virtual Zoom type meetings above. By the way, there is a free version of Zoom as long as you have a smartphone or computer with a webcam and internet access, you can start these meetings as soon as you finish reading this article. Getting creative is important to keep your current relationships or to build new ones.

Letting people know that you care and appreciate them can strengthen your abilities to make and maintain friendships. Given the enjoyment and potential for a healthy and long life in social connections, the investment is worthwhile.

The main photo in this article is of my immediate (wife and kids) and my wife’s sister’s family. We recently spent time together and ate lunch outside at a beautiful and yummy restaurant. The photo bellow is of one of our book club zoom meetings. These are so fun. I really enjoy spending time both virtual and in person with friends and family. Find a way to stay connected and celebrate life together.

As you may know, I also used meditation to help with my depression. It was not only the act of meditating that helped in the pandemic, but also the Sangha I meet with weekly to practice meditation in a group setting and the Dharma discussion I attend and participate in. If you would like to learn more about meditation, click the link below. If you would like to find a local or active Sangha that has virtual meetings you can do a google search for virtual Sangha meetings or go to the Plum Village Sangha Directory to find a local Sangha.

Want to try adding mindfulness and meditation to your self-care routine? Click below to get details about the Introduction to Mindfulness & Meditation mini-course.

The Importance of Belonging and Community for Our Wellbeing