Alright, I know right now you're thinking… "WTF is this guy talking about? and, oh yeah… F' You Buddy!"
Just hear me out for a second…
So I have been studying happiness… and well, the lack of it, due to my old ’bout with depression 7-8 years ago. Since then I have read hundreds of books on meditation, mindfulness, psychology, happiness, mindset, wellbeing and the like. I know this may sound boring, but when you get hit with depression, suddenly there is a fire lit under your backside to figure this stuff out… how’d I get here? How do I get outta here? And… how can I never return to this dark place?
So, this was the motivation, but what I found was I was totally misinformed about what happiness is and how to get it. Let me start with what UNHAPPINESS is. Of course we all KNOW unhappiness. We’ve all had it and been there. We all know it is a state of mind, a way of thinking and a belief we have about something or someone. We are making a judgment of something and stating in our mind (or aloud) that we do not like “X”!
What Causes Unhappiness?
So we can all probably agree unhappiness is created from judging something (we didn’t get the raise, our kids acted crazy in front of that person we wanted to impress, that meal I spent all that time making sucked and the family hated it, etc).
Here’s the deal, this is where we stop exploring and we just move on to wallowing in the awful time we are having. If we explore a little deeper we can start to see that unhappiness is actually our ATTACHMENT TO OUR EXPECTATIONS. You see our expectations were not met and because of this we feel upset and unhappy. Does that make sense?
So in all actuality, WE CREATED our suffering by thinking in a way that means our WANTS have to happen our way or we will be sad and throw a tantrum. Very similar to a toddler in their “terrible-twos”.
Think about what causes a two-year old to act like this. They are unable to communicate what they want but they are committed 110% to whatever it is that they want, and they think they deserve everything they want. I know you may not want to hear this, but we are no different. We do not realize what causes unhappiness and so when we do not get what we want, when we are too attached to the outcome we hope for, we get upset, sad, unhappy and potentially throw a tantrum, right?
So let’s talk about how to get past this.
How do we get happy?
Happiness is also a state of mind. It’s a state of bliss, of joy, of excitement that things are going our way. So we often know how to create mini-bouts of happiness, right? Sure we do. I’m a music guy so when I go out and buy a vinyl record. I’m exited to get home and have a listen. The hunt for the record, purchasing it, and then spinning it makes me happy. The only problem is this is a short-lived happiness. Society however has sold us an idea that buying stuff makes us happy, and it does, but only temporarily.
Then there are things like exercise. This gives us a hit of dopamine and serotonin, right? We feel good after we do a good workout, and this often times alters out mood, right? You bet! This also helps us feel good if we continue to work out and maybe sculpt our body to our dream bod. This is good, but what if we struggle to continue to do the consistent work needed to sculpt the dream bod? Or what if our body doesn’t sculpt as quick, easily, or the way we envisioned? Well, then we miss our expectations and roll into unhappiness again.
The same is true for healthy eating, meditation and any other wellness activity. Or even unhealthy activities like drinking which brings lots of FUN, but is it really happiness? What about binge watching that Netflix program? During these activities you might think you are happy, but again these are short-lived and could actually lead to addiction or actually harm to yourself and others.
So HOW DO WE GET HAPPY?
Well, if unhappiness is being attached to our expectations and then not hitting the expectations we have, WHAT IF WE COULD BE… LESS ATTACHED, TO OUR EXPECTATIONS?
I know you may be asking… “how the hell do I do that?” Or saying… “that sounds like an awful life and WHY WOULD I WANT TO DO THAT?” I’m here to tell you being grateful for all you have, and being contented right now are two things that lead to happiness. Add to this… easing up on being ATTACHED to ONLY ONE OUTCOME, the one WE WANT of course, and with this mixture, we can create a more sustainable long-term happiness.
Honestly, the intention of Hellagood Life is helping you to create a HELLAGOOD LIFE and happiness is a pretty important piece of this work. Of course the question now though is okay this sounds good, but… “HOW DO I DO THAT?”
Well, this is why I am creating mindfulness courses with lessons and exercises to help you learn great ideas like this. I’m also adding tools and exercises to start building a framework to help you build your own, personal, Hellagood Life. I also started adding exercise programs like the Mindfulness Yoga Program (only $29 right now). Be on the look out for the Tabata HIIT 8-Week Course and the Bodyweight Blast 8-Week Course, both coming soon as another way to add happiness. Sometimes those dopamine and serotonin hits can really help offer a quick win early on. I want you to exercise your body and your mind, but I also want you to understand the psychology of what it means to live your most rewarding and fulfilled life. This is where the online courses come in. You can do it, but it does take a bit of work, and sometimes a bit of help. I’m here for ya if you need it and if you’d like to try building Gratitude, Peace, and Contentment into your life check out my new Grateful Living 5-Day Challenge below.
Let’s do this!
You are worth it!
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