Are you Living Your Best Life?
Your self-image is the way you view yourself. You might view yourself as a parent, construction worker, friend, blonde, sports fan, intelligent, impatient, and middle-aged. But you’re more than your career, gender, and age. You’re more than your parents’ opinion.
You’re a unique person with nuances that are unique to you!
When – who you are – aligns with what you do, you’re living authentically. But most of us view ourselves as one way and live another. Authentic people act honestly and congruently.
Years ago I went on a journey to explore my purpose in life. It took me many years to figure things out. After failing at getting past self-serving ideas I finally moved on to a clearly defined purpose that I now use to weigh all I do. I am not always in alignment but I spend a lot of time working towards my purpose which is to challenge people to become innovative leaders so that we can change the world together.
You see I believe to live our best life we must find ways to serve based on our best skills and refine and strengthen them by practicing them often, even daily. On my journey, I am seeking how can I best serve humanity and how can I help others figure out how to serve humanity within their most authentic expertise and from their most authentic personal self. Some of my heroes working for humanity are Thich Nhat Hnah, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr, Gandhi, the Dalai Lama. They also failed in ways, but must of had some internal purpose to serve humanity and worked towards honestly being as congruent as possible with that purpose.
The benefits of this congruency of purpose are enormous:
- IT CREATES INNER PEACE
- IT BOOSTS SELF-ESTEEM OR SELF-CONFIDENCE
- IT MANIFESTS SELF-UNDERSTANDING AND SELF-COMPASSION
- IT HELPS WITH LEADERSHIP AND COMMUNITY BUILDING
- IT DEVELOPS DEEPER CONNECTIONS WITH OTHERS AND ESTABLISHES TRUST
- IT INCREASES SUCCESS
- IT GENERATES RESPECT FROM OTHERS
Those that live lives misaligned with their values, beliefs, and attitudes suffer from more depression, anxiety, stress, guilt, and shame. It might seem easier to live up to the expectations of others in the short-term, but the long-term costs are significant. TRUST ME!
I am not sure I saw it as trying to live up to other’s expectations, but it might have been just that disguised as something else. We are good at disguising things or viewing them through a lens that sometimes paints these ideas as something they are not. That is until we are abruptly awaken as I was a decade ago in my depression.
Last Thursday, I was struggling exploring the vision of Hellagood Life and how I can best use this platform to serve this community. It seems I am confused and trying to define who my people are – who I serve – because this will help define how I go about finding these perfect or ideal people/students/clients.
This problem is enhanced by knowing the work I do is focused on helping humanity, all humanity. Being able to help all of humanity undermines this business marketing concept that if you are speaking to all people then you are speaking to no one and no one is listening as they are unable to see how your solutions help them solve their problems. This idea of WHO is the right fit has been weighing on me. For a long time. Last night it kept me up interfering with my sleep, even causing much doubt in my self and what I am doing here.
Then after finally dozing off for an hour or two, I woke up to notice a friend sharing a movie I’ve been wanting to see called MISSION: JOY. This film is an offshoot of the BOOK OF JOY by Desmond Tutu and the Dalai Lama.
Since I was up in the middle of the night stressing out, why not watch something positive to help realign with my purpose. The wisdom of the movie did help me regain some of my mojo but I had to put some of this realignment work on hold once my kids woke up.
Actually, raising them IS part of my purpose and I have to remember that challenging them to grow into innovative leaders working with me to change the world in a positive way IS POWERFUL WORK. I sometimes forget this when I am stressed out. This can easily slip into misalignment so I work on this often as this may be some of the most important work I can do.
So yes, even those aware of core values and misalignment can screw up and let stress or conflict or uncertainty get them out of alignment, but realizing this is what we can work on realigning things. Here are some ideas to help you understand how to do this work.
Follow these steps to determine your true self and live life on your terms:
1. Identify your core values
An authentic self-image is one that is aligned with your values. By knowing your values, you’ll gain an understanding of what is important to you. Once you’re aware of your values, you can build a self-image and life that are more meaningful and enjoyable.
TO DO ITEM: Make a list of your values. Create a long list and include everything that you think applies to you. Then, reduce your list to the three, five, seven or no more then ten values that are most important to you. You might struggle to narrow your list down, but trust me five are values are plenty and powerful. As they say, sometimes less is more.
The core values I am trying to live by and using to establish the Hellagood Life brand are these five…
CORE VALUES:
- Do No Harm
- Raise People Up
- Build Leaders
- Change The World (in a Positive Way)
- Build Community
Granted, I understand these may not be easy to figure out, but if you commit to this idea you can do a little at a time and just keep working and refining things. You may find that as you hone your list down to your final three or five that one or two actually are less important to you than one that pops up as you try to live by these values. That is okay. It’s fine to be a work in progress and to learn as you go.
2. Determine if you have any conflicts
For example, you might say that adventure and freedom are two of your most important values, but what if you also strongly favor responsibility and security? Those values could be in conflict.
- When you’re faced with an inner conflict, you’re likely to shut down and do nothing. If you’ve ever been paralyzed while making a decision, it’s possible your values were in conflict. Think back to when you’ve struggled to make a decision and see if it’s true.
- Do you have any values listed that aren’t really priorities for you? We often carry around perspectives instilled by our parents, bosses, teachers, friends, or religious leaders. Here’s a newsflash: they may have been wrong. Now often times their intent was to help or guide you to the best solution and meant well but we are all different and have different paths sometimes. Take the time to determine your values for yourself. Disregard what society says you should value. You’re an individual.
3. Create an action plan for each value
Imagine one of your values is frugality. You could create a budget and savings plan that incorporates that value. You might plan to start clipping coupons, visit less expensive stores, and search for free entertainment options available on the weekends.
For me, one of my Hellagood Life values is building leaders. I spent a lot of years studying leadership. I spent many years volunteering under leaders and also practicing leadership for causes I am passionate about. Now I am building this educational platform to and my coaching programs to train and nurture leaders. So on some levels Hellagood Life is my action plan for building leaders.
I have created a dream list of causes I want to work on over the next 20 years through the Hellagood Life brand. This is a list and sort of a vision of some of the WHOs I want to help. You can check out my causes dream list here.
4. Make a list of activities you enjoy that are in alignment with your values
Maybe one of your values is being kind. You could start defining what kindness means to you and how it is demonstrated in actions. Again maybe you create a list of ways to show kindness and just like your values list you shrink your list down to 3 to 5 practices you can easily do daily to be more kind to people, animals, and plants in your life.
Years ago, I committed to always returning my shopping cart to the cart station, trying to always open or hold the door for people, and waving to every car that drives past my house or that passes me when I am on a walk. I now live these ideas as much as possible.
As I mentioned above, this is where the rubber meets the road so to speak and you can start living your most authentic self. For example, if generosity is a priority, you could find an enjoyable way to spend your time helping others. If health is a value you cherish, you could join a soccer team or a yoga class. Find your favorite sport and participate.
5. Evaluate yourself at the end of each day
Accountability is a huge practice to making this stuff really who you are and how you live. There is an old saying things that get measured get done. You don’t have to get too crazy about this, but for example, I measure my daily meditation practice and am currently up to 552 days as of today. I measure my reading and try to shoot for an hour of reading or a minimum of 30 hours of reading a month and by doing so, I know I can hit around 100 books a year. It is the tracking that helps me live the things I find most important in life.
Think about the instances when you failed to live according to your values. You may find this is when self-doubt, sadness, or frustration sets in. Likewise, contemplate the times you were able to live according to your values and self-image, particularly when doing so was challenging. You might find a sense of pride and excitement that you were able to accomplish things that at one time may have never felt possible, but you are now doing these things.
Recap…
Create a self-image that is in alignment with your values. First, it is necessary to identify and choose your values. Next, construct a life that allows you to live those values consistently and to thrive. Authenticity eliminates many of the common emotional ailments in life, but it’s not always the easiest choice.
Be bold enough to choose the person you want to become and live accordingly. The benefits are enormous.
What are your values?
Sometimes You Find Others Thank you For Being your Authentic Self and Living by your Values or Purpose
As I mentioned above, I had some self-doubt setting in the last few days (and when I started this article). I was questioning if I was on the right path. I do NOT know WHO my perfect people are per se, but this morning I woke up to this lovely post tagging me on Facebook.
It showed me that although I do not know everything or have everything fully aligned with what business experts have been telling me I need for decades, on some levels I am actually in alignment and living my best authentic self. A business connection shared this post mentioning how I helped her start noticing her negative thoughts and start to end them. This was perfect timing and I think Starr for helping to realize that I am living my purpose which is to challenge people to become innovative leaders so that we can change the world together.
Now Starr is just a friend I have influenced by being me and doing what I do at my best self. The meme is kind of funny being bold about snuffing out negative ideas or self-critical ideas.
Thank you Starr Carter for this great reminder of ways I am bringing value to the world and building leaders through being my authentic self. Here is a link to Starr’s post.
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