In a social media world it seems people are trying to break free from fakeness by living a more authentic life.
Here are a few ways to do that…
Authenticity is to be true to one’s personality and character. It means you’re willing to show the world who you really are. You’re willing to live the life that you were meant to live. Authenticity is the ability to show your uniqueness to the world.
Use these strategies to live a more authentic life and show the world the real you:
1. Know your values.
What’s important to you? Make a list of every quality you think is important for a person to have. Now, put that list in order. What are your five top values? When you know your values, the authentic choice in any situation is more obvious than when you don’t know your values.
So for example, here at Hellagood Life I’ve created a list of core values I want the site/business/brand to be built on. Here is the list…
- Do No Harm
- Raise People Up
- Build Leaders
- Change The World (in a Positive Way)
- Build Community
You can see by writing these down and reviewing them, it’s a constant reminder to what I am trying to build. I review this list to stay on track and meet my goals and live them. This is how I live an authentic life… a Heallagood Life.
2. Stop doing things you don't want to do.
You still need to pay your bills and take out the trash. However, you don’t have to play on the church softball team, drive your neighbor to the airport, or take care of your cousin’s cat. If something is too disagreeable for you, just say, “No.”
Setting boundaries can really change your life and give you the free time to explore who you truly are at your core, and what truly makes you happy.
In my neighborhood there is a volunteer neighborhood association. I’d love to help them out but I do not want to attend all the meetings. So I do not run for office of one of the organization roles. Instead, I volunteer on small projects and help out where I can. It makes me happier and allows me to show up in a better way, being excited and just being myself.
Be aware of the things that feed you and do those things. If anything feels like a drain, complete your obligation and then share, when you are done contributing or doing whatever that thing is, that you will not be continuing to help in this way moving forward.
3. Do what you want to do.
You can spend your time how you please. You don’t need a grand excuse or proof that you’re doing something noble on a cosmic level. The fact that you want to do it is a good enough reason. It’s important not to hurt anyone, including yourself, but feel free to play the harmonica, dance in your front yard, or wear white after Labor Day. Or do all 3. ha!
As Rage Against The Machine says… “F’ You, I Won’t Do What You Tell Me!” – I’ll do what I want to. Granted you don’t have to get extreme with it or even up in someone’s face, but find your joy. I’ve recently been doing Japanese Calligraphy of the Heart Sutra. Why? I can’t speak Japanese or Chinese, but you know what, I learn a few characters and I enjoy practicing a creative practice and sitting with my thoughts on the Heart Sutra.
Oh, I also used to take Harmonica lessons because I love a rockin’ blues harp. Was I good? Not really. Did I give it up? Mostly, but I do like playing around from time to time. I enjoy it.
I might also share that although I am giving you permission to do what you want, I want to remind you NOT to get mean or ugly about things or even too self-centered. Doing volunteer work for others is also a really powerful way to use your time and an area I find a lot of joy.
4. Keep an open mind.
When your thinking is very rigid, you limit yourself and prevent your true self from shining through. Preconceived notions are prisons that block you from being authentic. Learn how to experience the world from a variety of perspectives and with an open mind.
I like anthropology. I do not really call it this, I just like exploring people and cultures and trying to understand why we do what we do. Over the last 4-5 years I have been exploring buddhism and I love it. I have found that growing up Christian and in many ways understanding a different religion (I think of it more of a philosophy actually) has grow the good things I love about my Christian walk.
I’m intrigued by the Qur’an and the Torah and hope to read both as a way to understand other people and to better understand myself. This is not often recommended in the religious space, but I think it is important.
The point here is just because most of society tells you you have to do things a certain way, don’t get hung up on those thoughts. Being open to other ideas and perspectives really helps you weigh your own thoughts and beliefs.
I think by hearing others you can learn a ton about yourself and the more you know yourself, well, I think the happier you are and this is partly because you can no longer use masks. You’ll find you show up better when you are the one and only amazing person that you are.
You begin living and embracing your authentic life.
5. Trust your intuition.
When you ignore your hunches, you feel out-of-sorts. Trust your instincts. They’ll let you know when you’re not being genuine.
A few months ago a friend and I lead a meditation group related to this topic – trusting your intuition. I was surprised by the response to this session. I think we sometimes are too quick to ignore our gut or just trust ourselves.
Find ways to embrace this concept. You might find it really helps you bloom into your truer self.
6. Be self-aware.
You can’t be authentic if you lack self-awareness. Notice how you feel. Ask yourself, “What do I need at this moment? How can I meet that need?” If you ignore your emotions, you can’t be self-aware.
Self-awareness is the basis of this whole site. I study and practice ideas from positive psychology and Buddhism because these are the tools that opened me up to dealing with my emotions in a more healthy way. I have changed so much in the last decade and what I realize is I have a lot of room to continue to grow and although that may overwhelm some, it excites me.
7. Practice boldness.
The biggest reason for a lack of authenticity is timidity. We want to say and do certain things, but we’re uncomfortable with standing out in any way. We feel vulnerable and exposed. A little discomfort never killed anyone, and there’s so much to be gained by being bold. Give it a try.
Leadership is a great way to put yourself out there and try something new. This doesn’t mean being the only one leading. Sometimes co-leading is a great way to learn something new, put yourself out there, but also have the safety of a mentor guiding you along the way.
I have a mentor that helped me look at my business walk a little differently. He taught me… Progress is better than Perfection. The reason for that is there is so much you can learn from failure. Another tip I’ll share is that – something is only failure… if you quit doing it. If you take a break, learn why things didn’t go as planned and get out there and try it again, that’s isn’t failure, that is learning. Keep learning, my friends!
So BE BOLD! Make Mistakes. Be okay making them and just learn and try it again in some different or improved way.
8. Openly share your opinion.
Tell others what you think or how you feel about something. Of course, you’ll want to be tactful so you remain considerate of the feelings of those around you. Are you hesitant to share your thoughts on a topic? Ask yourself why that is.
I recently had a friend upset me. We had some back and forth. I truly think he was trying to be helpful but I was getting triggered for whatever reason. I asked our group of friends if we could meet to discuss it and see if we could move forward in a healthy way.
In the meantime, I read The Four Agreements and noticed I was doing a lot of ASSUMING and TAKING THINGS PERSONAL. So basically creating drama because I was being triggered. Anyhow we had a great meeting and we didn’t go in and discuss details of the issue, but I went in apologizing for acting kind of crazy but let them know I got upset.
The thing is… of course things were a little odd for a few of the next meetings, but I believe the group was open to me sharing. To me that is the sign of a good group of friends, partners, or any other group you’re connected to.
9. Avoid perfectionism.
Trying to be perfect is a huge limitation on your natural personality and expression. Avoiding mistakes and imperfection at all costs is a recipe for inauthenticity.
I already shared a bit about this but think about it perfectionism keeps you working on making things better and better without taking the risk of ever putting things out into the world. Why would we do this? Out of fear of being judged, right? So you can see how this leads to not showing up fully because we are wearing a ton of armor and hiding where it is safe.
BE YOU. Embrace imperfections. It is your quirks that make you special. Let them out. Live the authentic life you deserve. Share it as a gift to those around you.
Alternately, don’t let perfectionism be a trait you own and if you do already, work on changing it a little at a time. You will be amazed out how liberating it feels to start taking off some of the armor we often wear.
Very Well Mind shares 10 Signs of Perfectionist Traits. This is a good read to better understand how these traits could show up. Have a read and see if these help or hinder your authentic life.
Life is short! It doesn’t make a lot of sense to pretend to be someone else.
Authenticity requires courage and dealing with discomfort. But if you want to live your life to the fullest, authenticity is required. Show the world the unique person you are, and celebrate your newfound freedom.
Dale, I appreciate the insight I am gaining through this article. I plan to revisit this from time to time. Two things I am doing well or not doing the things I don’t want to do and doing the things I do want to do. One thing I need a lot of work on is shedding perfectionism.
Tony, thank you again for sharing your thoughts and for reading my articles. As you may already know… I have my own struggles in some of these areas. This is where the perfectionism tip comes in handy. No need to master all these areas but just look to make progress and enjoy the journey.
I know just the other day I got hung up on why things weren’t working out like I want. So I went on a rant of why me, why me, blah, blah, blah. My wife listed to me calmly and offered an ear. I certainly got lucky with her. But a few days later I got exposed to how gratitude can help overcome this.
I practice gratitude and have a gratitude challenge kind of teaching it… BUT I forgot. I started comparing myself and my business to other people and other businesses. Ha! I guess the point I am making is that it is easy to forget and go back to bad habits or conditioning or personality traits in us. So the key as you know is just awareness. When we tap into awareness we can notice the things we may want to work on.
Thank you again SO MUCH for reading the articles and for commenting. I appreciate you more than you’ll ever know. Peace, Love, and Respect to you, my friend!